Mythical Creatures Rant

(from RussellMUCK 10/16/02)


Akili sees something peculiar.

Akili rumbles lightly, "Why are there two wizard hats?"

Paw didn't do it!

Paw purrs, "One is a magical sorting hat."

Rua says, "There were two yesterday too."

Paw purrs, "It will sort you into your correct animal or mythical race."

Akili isn't sure why he didn't notice earlier. "They were both created some time ago, though."

Paw purrs, "Only male Hanelys get to be mythical races, though."

Paw purrs, "Everyone else is an animal."

Paw purrs, "Of course, male Hanelys are forced to have CAL as the first three letters of their names."

Rua laughs.

Akili rumbles lightly, "All of that, of course, isn't true."

Akili rumbles lightly, "Allegra is also an Elf."

Paw purrs, "Who is Allegra?"

Akili rumbles lightly, "Although I've been told several times, I don't immediately recall. At a guess, Octavie or Carnelian."

Paw purrs, "And when was the last time she was on?"

Akili rumbles lightly, "A long time ago."

Paw purrs, "Things have CHANGED since then."

Paw purrs, "Keep up with the times, dude."

Akili rumbles lightly, "Secondly, define a mythical race."

Paw purrs, "Any race found in the works of Tolkien."

Rua says, "What about creatures from other things?"

Rua says, "Tolkien doesn't rule all."

Paw purrs, "Only when it comes to male Hanelys he does."

Rua says, "Okay, fine."

Akili additionally finds a Shoe, a Unicorn, and a Kenlow.

Calin returns to catch up on this.

Calin says, "OOOk."

Calin says, "You know what?"

Calin says, "This is silly."

Calin says, "And the shoe is also a male Hanely."

Rua says, "Is anything you usually talk about not silly?"

Paw purrs, "Shoe?"

Akili rumbles lightly, "Shoe."

Calin says, "This is absurd though."

Paw purrs, "What Shoe?"

Akili rumbles lightly, "There's a male shoe named shoe."

Calin says, "That's my brother."

Paw purrs, "Shoes are mythical creatures."

Paw purrs, "They are mentioned in the works of Tolkien, no?"

Rua says, "Actually, I don't really think he ever mentions shoes."

Paw purrs, "Yeah he does."

Rua says, "If you say so."

Paw purrs, "How do we know that Hobbits do not wear them, and humans do, if he does not mention them?"

Rua says, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Akili rumbles lightly, "Maybe he said boots instead of shoes."

Paw purrs, "Boots are shoes too."

Paw purrs, "And thus, mythical creatures."

Rua says, "How about hairy feet?"

Paw purrs, "Or at least, a mythical race."

Paw purrs, "I don't know. I would suppose hairy feet are a mythical race as well."

Paw purrs, "I never thought of that."

Rua laughs.

Akili is momentarily tempted to change Paw's species to Hairy Feet.

Rua says, "Are horses a mythical race?"

Paw purrs, "Yep."

Paw purrs, "They are mentioned in JRR Tolkien's work, no?"

Akili rumbles lightly, "As are humans, by that reckoning."

Paw purrs, "Yep."

Paw purrs, "I've never seen a human, have you?"

Rua says, "Okay, so anything that is mentioned is a mythical race, even if they are found in the 'real' world?"

Akili rumbles lightly, "Elminster's a human. So is Dain."

Rua says, "So is Aragorn and Boromir."

Akili rumbles lightly, "Yup. Mythical trees, rocks, rivers, carrots, saddles, torches, biscuits, tables, boats.... All mythical."

Rua says, "Mythical mushrooms?????"

Akili rumbles lightly, "Sure. They're Mythical Magical Mystical Mushrooms."

Rua says, "cool."

Paw purrs, "Righto."

Paw purrs, "Dain and Elminster are both puppets, anyhow."

Rua says, "Puppets?"

Paw purrs, "Yeah, you know puppets."

Paw purrs, "You stick your hand up your..."

Rua says, "Gee thanks Paw...."

Rua says, "Just remember.... gently."

Akili rumbles lightly, "Yeah, okay. Check please."

Paw purrs, "And Elminster... isn't he a Wizard?"

Akili rumbles lightly, "Nope. He's a male human mage."

Calin says, "Unless you're Tolkien, wizard is not a race."

Paw purrs, "Ahh, and there we have the quandary."

Paw purrs, "Wait..."

Paw purrs, "Elminster is a Mage?"

Paw purrs, "Then he isn't a mythical creature from Tolkien. Problem solved."

Paw admires his nice little shoehorning job of Reality.

Paw purrs, "Perfect fit."

Russell has arrived.

Calin says, "Uh oh."

Paw eyes Russell.

Russell shows up, just to ruin Paw's nefarious plans.

Paw points at Russell, "You, sir, are a mythical race!"

Russell points back at Paw. "And you, sir, are completely off your rocker."

Paw purrs, "I have no rocker to be off of. You are completely off base."

Rua says, "Hey wait, does Tolkien mention dogs in books?"

Calin says, "Yeah. I think so."

Calin says, "So THERE, Paw."

Calin says, "She is not a male Hanely."

Rua says, "Yeah!!!! I'm a mythical race."

Rua says, "I win!!!!"

Paw purrs, "But dogs are animals as well."

Russell says, "So are humans."

Calin grins. "Indeed. I must be slipping."

Rua says, "So, you said everything in the books."

Paw purrs, "So a male Hanely can be a dog, as well as a non Hanely, or non male."

Paw purrs, "They are both a mythical race, and an animal. No problem."

Paw purrs, "But... if you are not a male, and not a Hanely, you may not be a shoe!"

Calin says, "Oh."

Calin says, "True enough."

Rua says, "Okay, now I understand everything."

Paw clings to his tenuous grip on his shoe-horned reality.

Akili rumbles lightly, "That still doesn't explain the two wizard hats."

Paw purrs, "I explained the wizard hat. It is a sorting hat."

Akili rumbles lightly, "Which one?"

Calin suggests, "The other one."

Paw purrs, "For sorting you into your correct animal or mythical race."

Akili rumbles lightly, "They were both made within minutes of each other, both by Calin, and with identical descriptions... and one is locked to a seperate player for no apparent reason."

Calin says, "That... is odd."

Calin says, "Oh, and Shoe's name is not CalShoe."

Paw purrs, "That must be amended immediately, methinks."